Daddy's buddy (dad)

Last night was the second that I got to sleep over at the hospital with Nevan. This was the first however where we knew what we were up against.

The first night went surprisingly well. Nevan slept all the way through for 9 hours without so much as a cough. Last night however did not go so well. After a week of antibiotics he still has this horrible fever. Now it's preceded by 30 minutes or more of 'reigers', or full body shivers. Just the beginning of our education in medical vocab. Four of these spells and some vomiting with 1-2 hours of sleep in-between sums up the night. I'll have to add that watching the first part of the Transformers 3 movie may have added to the restlessness last night. "I can't sleep daddy, the Transformers were too exciting" uh oh. Better than nightmares I guess. "are you going to tell mommy Nevan?"... " no it's our secret daddy". My boy!

Nevan finally gets some sleep in the early morning. He wakes to the shakes again but Mommy's here to help squeeze them away! The day starts with a good and much needed nap. The rest of the day is filled with more shakes and fever. At 4:00 we get the word that he'll go for surgery but not quite the one we wanted. His fever won't allow a more permanent IV line. And still we are grateful he will have a little more freedom with the one he's getting.

I'm irritated that they won't let me in the room while they give him his "special sleep". As a father you're already second to mom right from day one. I've spent much of the last four years trying to show him that I'm cool too! And that I love and treasure him just as much. I don't like him not seeing me there through all these challenges. They let me stay for the first sleep though. Politics everywhere I guess. The surgery finishes and all goes "well".

I have a hard time with any positive words considering the situation. They seem almost insulting to him. I won't list the things he's seen, done, had done, learned, helped with, hated or even liked about all of this. It's not something you want to see your child experience. Well okay I'll say that he holds the syringe while it's filling with blood so the nurse can switch syringes. Who does that?! A week ago I was in tears at the clinic just because I had to put him in a full body hold while 2 nurses fought to take blood for the blood test that got us where we are today. My son is many things. He is more of a man today than I may ever be. I have tried to show him the way all his life. Sometimes I feel like I'm just standing in his way. He already knows what he's doing. He looks like me but has his mothers best in him.

He's Daddy's Buddy.